36 questions for more intimacy

Finding closeness through questions: The 36 questions to fall in love

Can intimacy between two strangers be accelerated? Psychologist Arthur Aron investigated precisely this question and developed an experiment with 36 questions designed to foster closeness and trust. The questions are divided into three sets of twelve and are answered alternately by both partners. Each round becomes slightly more personal and intimate.

The idea behind it: Openness and vulnerability create closeness.
So why not try something new for Valentine's Day and go through these questions together?

Set 1 – the entry point

• If you had the opportunity to have anyone in the world as a dinner guest, who would you choose?

• Would you like to be famous? In what way?

• Do you sometimes rehearse what you want to say on the phone? Why?

• What makes a "perfect" day for you?

• When was the last time you sang for yourself? For someone else?

• If you could live to be 90 and keep either the body or the mind of a 30-year-old – which would you choose?

• Do you have a secret suspicion about how you will die?

• Name three things you and your partner have in common.

• What are you most grateful for in your life?

• If you could change one thing about your childhood, what would it be?

• Tell your life story in four minutes, in as much detail as possible.

• If you could wake up tomorrow with a new skill or trait – what would it be?

Set 2 – more depth

• If a crystal ball could reveal the truth about your life or your future, what would you want to know?

• Is there something you've been dreaming about for a long time? Why haven't you done it yet?

• What is the greatest achievement of your life?

• What is most important to you in a friendship?

• What is your most treasured memory?

• What is your worst memory?

• If you knew you were going to die in a year, would you change your life? Why?

• What does friendship mean to you?

• What role do love and affection play in your life?

• Take turns with your partner naming five positive qualities.

• How warm and welcoming is your family? Did you have a happy childhood?

• How would you describe your relationship with your mother?

Set 3 – true closeness

• Form three true "we" sentences. (e.g., "We are both sitting here and feeling...")

• Complete: “I wish I had someone I could tell…”

• If you were to become good friends with your partner, what is something they absolutely should know about you?

• Be honest about what you like about your partner – even things you wouldn't normally express.

• Share an embarrassing moment from your life.

• When was the last time you cried in front of someone? When was the last time you cried alone?

• What do you already like about your partner?

• Are there any topics that one shouldn't joke about?

• If you were to die today: What would you most regret not having said?

• Your house is on fire, everyone is safe. You can only save one item – what would it be? Why?

• Which death in your family would affect you the most? Why?

• Report a personal problem and ask your partner for advice.

The final step

In conclusion, the experiment recommends: 2–4 minutes of intense eye contact. A moment that can create unexpected closeness.

Conclusion: A Valentine's Day full of depth

These 36 questions are more than just a game – they're a way to rediscover intimacy and grow beyond your own expectations. Perfect for Valentine's Day. And for a polished look on your date, we have the essentials – from men's grooming starter kits to gentle shaving cream and sharp razor blades.